If you’re having relationship problems, and I ask you how do you communicate with your significant other, you might think it’s pointless.
You’re probably thinking: “Why is this even a question, isn’t love just one of those things that is unquestionably confusing?”
But the truth is this: your cry for love doesn’t need to be that confusing.
Something that a lot of you aren’t understanding about love is that, it’s more than just communicating.
It’s a language game.
When you find yourself trying your best to please your significant other, you often get frustrated.
You feel you put in a lot of effort with nothing in return. That can be draining. And after a while you feel like your tank is running on empty.
But this time it’s not gas we are talking about. It’s love.
The point is you have to be speaking the right language consistently. And that takes some effort.
It’s exactly what Gary Chapman talks about in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secrets to Love That Lasts.
- Word of Affirmation
A quality way to express love is through the use of words. Words of encouragement or compliments are immensely powerful.
Why do I say this? For one, because they are thoughtful. Secondly, because they are emotionally moving.
Here are a couple of examples: “I look forward to waking up with you every day for the rest of my life.” “Thank you for always being there for me.” “I admire the way you…”
- Quality Time
Spending quality time can be very important to your loved one.
Now, I know most of you are going to say, "but I already do that and nothing happens."
Sitting next to someone, eating popcorn while watching Netflix doesn’t count.
You have to give your full undivided attention to that person.
That means looking at each other, with no distractions present. And yes, the TV should be turned off.
- Receiving Gifts
Yes, words of affirmation and quality time are important to some. But the visual symbol of a physical gift are more important to some people.
Securing and giving a gift lets the other person know you were thinking of them.
A gift to someone with this love language, is fulfilling their need to hold the thought of love in their hands.
- Acts of Service
If you’re like anyone else, you heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words.”
With that said, nobody like’s being forced to do anything. Why? Because it’s considered work.
At the same time, nobody generally likes asking for things. I know many of you just wish your partner just did things out of love.
Here are some examples that you can do for a loved one:
- Cooking a meal
- Doing the laundry
- Handling the grocery shopping
- Change the baby’s diaper
- Helping with a chore
Think of the little things and look for opportunities to serve him or her.
When it comes to love, an act of service is always freely given.
- Physical Touch
We all know that physical touch is part of love. However, because it’s such a given it can often be over looked in crucial, yet ordinary moments.
For example, you may be lying together watching a movie. Throughout the movie you get so caught that you just accept being in each others presence as being enough.
Mind you, your partner is quietly begging you for some physical communication.
This is a perfect moment for a brief kiss, a quick back rub, running your hand along your partner’s arm, or stroking his or her hair as you two talk.
Take a moment to recall about the last time you communicated physically with your partner?
If the answer is...it’s been a while..., make sure you do so to enhance intimacy.
Are you any clearer on love now?
It can be a bit confusing. Sometimes being aware and applying The 5 Love Languages doesn’t work. Mostly it does. Some relationships don’t benefit. Most relationships do. It can be dangerous when someone knows your love language and purposely withholds that from you.
So what should you do? As confusing as love is, let me sum up my advice in two statements:
- Genuinely make an effort to find out which of The 5 Love Languages your partner resonates most with. Act on it.
- You can’t force someone to love you. Love is a choice. Request, but don’t demand it.
What’s your love language?